September 17, 2018 — The Day I Died
That day, I died.
And when I returned, nothing about my life — or my understanding of reality — was ever the same again.
Everything described in this book ultimately points toward one thing: the transformation of consciousness.
The following story is the moment my own transformation truly began.
It was not metaphorical. It was an initiation. Physical and mental reality became one, limitations vanished, boundaries dissolved, and my consciousness opened to something I had never dared to dream of.
Six weeks earlier, in early August, I had attended my first psychedelic plant medicine retreat on the Balearic island of Mallorca, Spain. The ceremony centered around Ayahuasca and Kambo — the Divine Feminine vine and a deeply cleansing frog poison, both originating in the Amazon.
That first retreat cracked something open inside me that had waited my entire life to emerge. For the first time in my life, I felt as if I had touched my own Soul.
Until just a year before this experience, I had been driven primarily by my intellect, not by an interest in let alone commitment to Spirituality.
During that first retreat, in the scorching heat of Spain’s August sun, it was my very first night with Ayahuasca, I was able to connect with the Soul of my father who had passed four years earlier — something I had carried unresolved within my Heart ever since.
It felt like a door had opened.
And once a door like that opens, pretending it doesn’t exist becomes impossible.
Five weeks later, I returned to the same retreat center for what they called a “deep immersion retreat.”
This retreat was meant for participants who already had some experience with plant medicine.
The intention was clear: to go deeper. More days, more medicine options, more experienced participants.
Many of the faces were familiar. The setting felt known.
But my intention was completely different this time.
I was no longer there merely to explore.
I was there to understand.
After my first conscious death experience back in August — which revealed that my life had a far greater purpose than I had imagined — I felt called back.
I wanted — needed — to go as deeply as necessary to discover what I was truly here to do.
What exactly is my purpose here on Earth?
I had been enticed by a glimpse of what my Soul had to offer.
Now my curious Ego wanted the full experience.
Deep Immersion
The retreat began with two nights of Ayahuasca ceremonies.
Those nights revealed far more than I had expected, especially the second night.
What surfaced was not Light, insight or comfort — at least not at first. Instead, I was confronted with darkness. Images of manipulation, black magic, and energetic distortion appeared before me with unsettling clarity.
It felt as though I was witnessing forces that exist beneath the surface of ordinary life. Not forces I was meant to fight or interfere with — but forces I was meant to see.
To witness, observe and understand.
During that second ceremony, I was guided to drink an unusual 3 cups of Ayahuasca. That night, I had been called to experience greater depth than ever before, so I was required to commit and surrender fully. And I felt ready.
While a deepening of my spiritual understanding occurred during the first half of that ceremony, once I had passed a threshold between cup 2 and 3, I got to witness an intense display of Shadows, mainly of the shaman and a retreat participant who had an experience that, at the time, I could only describe as demonic exorcism.
As intense as that night was, I knew that the original purpose of this retreat for me, the whole reason I felt called back so shortly after my first retreat, had not yet been fulfilled.
The sacred masculine Spirit of San Pedro was awaiting me.
Medicine of Sun & Fire
San Pedro — also known as Huachuma — is a sacred cactus medicine from the Andes whose active compound is Mescaline.
Where Ayahuasca carries a deeply feminine, introspective energy that unfolds its power in the mysterious darkness of the night, San Pedro carries a strong masculine frequency that was amplified in the brightness of the day.
Mescaline — masculine. San Pedro is a medicine of the sun.
A pillar of grounded, earthy, fire energy that just keeps on going. Knowing that, I had no idea that my journey was about to last for 16h,
I woke up that morning and felt wide awake, motivated and excited.
Energy pulsed through my body with unusual intensity. I felt calm, focused and deeply alert — as if something important was about to unfold. The calm before the storm.
I knew this ceremony was the real reason I had returned.
Despite my earlier doubts about attending another retreat so soon after the first, something inside me had been certain.
I needed to be here. And I was about to find out why.
It was much greater than anything I had anticipated, leading to the complete death of my old Self.
Embodying Sacred Masculinity
At ten in the morning, the ceremony began.
After drinking a significant amount of the pulverized cactus mixed with water, we all sat silently together in a circle while the medicine slowly began to take effect.
Over the course of the next two hours, I felt an extraordinary surge of energy building within me — as if the sun itself had ignited inside my Heart.
At first, the world simply felt more vivid.
More alive, more vibrant, colorful and intense.
Then the shaman led our group away from the retreat center, into the open fields beneath a mountain.
While some participants were clearly struggling — many nauseous, some vomiting — I felt stronger than I had ever felt in my life.
Clear. Focused. Responsible. Empowered.
Since my teenage years, I had searched for an answer to a question that had quietly shaped my life:
What does it truly mean to be a man?
That morning, I felt like I had finally found the answer.
While the group of more than twenty people stayed close to the shaman — a man my intuition had advised me to mistrust from the very first moment I met him — I felt called to interact with nature instead.
I stood before trees and bushes. I touched the Earth. I gazed into the sky. And I could feel them. I could hear the wind talk as it was making its way through the field, brushing against bushes, trees and stones.
There was communication — silent, intuitive, immediate.
Standing in what felt like my masculine polarity, empowered and grounded, I suddenly perceived the feminine aspects of nature with astonishing clarity.
Beauty revealed itself everywhere.
For the first time in my life, the feminine felt worthy not merely of admiration, but of veneration.
Ayahuasca had prepared the ground for this realization.
Now that I felt the emergence of Sacred Masculinity within myself, I could recognize Divine Femininity around me. I found myself telepathically exchanging information with a fig tree, feeling its power and fertility.
I snapped out of it, opening my eyes and almost falling over due to the overwhelming energy I just experienced, as the shaman called upon everyone to return to the group around him.
The sky had darkened — a thunderstorm rolled across the fields. Thunder and lightning were drawing closer, forcing everyone to retreat back toward the ceremony house. As we walked back through the fields, rain began pouring down, soaking us within minutes.
What happened next was the first of many moments that completely rewrote my understanding of reality.
The shaman told a few of us to go ahead while he turned back to ensure the rest of the group was returning safely.
Even though I had been walking, running even, alongside others, I somehow arrived at the retreat center first with no one else in sight.
As the process had been so intense, releasing enormous energy and heat from within, I had left my shirt behind in the field.
Completely soaked, wearing only my shorts, I stepped into the main house to escape the rain.
The shaman was already there. Even though he had just turned around moments earlier to gather the others — far behind me — he was now greeting me at the door.
As I stood there dripping with rainwater, he handed me a jacket.
It belonged to another retreat participant — a young woman whose presence had unsettled me from the moment I first met her at the airport.
Her appearance — and more importantly the energetic aura surrounding her — carried what I can only describe as strong witch-like energy.
The instant I put the jacket on, something shifted.
The jacket suddenly felt alive — like a snake tightening itself around my body.
I felt trapped, as if I just got caught in a big spider’s web.
Images flooded my Mind. Dark spells. Black magic. Evil.
The walls themselves seemed to move, pulsing with dark energy.
In that moment I became convinced that this place was an energetic trap. Much worse even, a place of sacrifice.
What I had been intuitively feeling and somewhat witnessing in the Ayahuasca nights before had now dawned upon me.
The overwhelming instinct to free myself surged through me.
With great effort, I tore the jacket off. I walked outside.
At that exact moment, a large group of the other participants returned from the fields.
I warned them, told them this was a trap — they ignored me, as if unable to hear me.
Behind me, the shaman stood inside the doorway — smiling calmly. With a finger gesture, he beckoned them inside.
The scene reminded me of a real live enactment of the Hänsel and Gretel story. The witch(er) lured its prey into his house.
All I knew was this: I had to get out.
I started running — up the sandy driveway, toward the small country road.
A Mysterious Path
I reached the country road and stopped for a moment.
Rain was still falling, though much lighter now. The thunderstorm had mostly passed, yet the air felt electrically charged, as if the entire landscape had become alive.
I didn’t know where I was going.
I only knew that I had to move.
Barefoot and shirtless, I began walking along the road. As I was walking, I could feel the dark presence of the shaman — It felt like he had gotten into my Mind. I fought his energy with every step.
After a while, something caught my attention: A narrow dirt path branched off from the road and led to a small hill. The moment I noticed it, I felt something strange — a magnetic pull.
The path wasn’t simply there. It was calling me.
Without hesitation, I stepped off the road and onto the dirt path. It led uphill.
With every step, the energy within my body intensified. The world around me seemed to shift in subtle ways — as if the familiar reality I had known my entire life was slowly dissolving.
Soon I reached the top of the hill.
And there, standing alone in the wind and the fading rain, I felt something rising from deep within my being.
It was time to let go.
The Bracelet that Binds
Around my wrist was a bracelet I had received years earlier from my long-term (and most karmic) girlfriend.
We had been separated for some time, yet recently I had rediscovered the bracelet and decided to wear it again.
Until that moment, I had not questioned why.
Now, standing on that hill, I could feel it.
The energetic bond. The attachment.
The invisible thread that still connected me to a chapter of my life that had already ended yet still karmically bound me.
The realization struck me with overwhelming clarity.
This bracelet was not a symbol of Love. It was attachment.
It was a binding. A spell.
A karmic cord that still tied me to the past.
Without hesitation, I used all the strength my fingers had to pull it off my wrist.
As the bracelet broke, something inside me broke with it.
I could feel energetic cords tearing apart — bonds dissolving, attachments collapsing.
Years of emotional weight seemed to fall away in an instant.
Standing there on that hill, exposed to the wind and rain, I felt something profound: Freedom.
With that freedom came the indescribable desire to get rid of all my clothes. There I was — naked, on top of a hill — feeling myself pulled into the next process.
The Battle Within
Something inside me began to expand.
At first it was subtle — a widening of awareness, a sense that the boundaries of my body were no longer fixed.
Then the expansion accelerated.
My perception stretched beyond my physical form. My consciousness seemed to grow outward in all directions at once, expanding far beyond the limits of my body.
Within moments, I no longer felt like a Human being standing on a hill.
I felt vast. Enormous.
As if my awareness had expanded to the size of a galaxy.
Reality itself began to bend and distort around me. Layers of existence that had previously been invisible suddenly became perceptible.
I could see energies, timelines, forces moving through reality like currents beneath the surface of the ocean.
And then the battle began.
At first, I believed I was fighting external forces.
Dark entities. Psychic manipulations. Distorted energies that seemed determined to trap or deceive me.
The shaman himself appeared within my perception as something far more complex than a Human being — shifting forms, changing faces, appearing almost like a shape-shifting deceiver moving between realities.
Then, it became an energetic field, no longer tied to an individual.
I fought with everything I had.
My Mind became a battlefield. I experienced myself as the universe itself — the sense of Human individuality ceased to exist.
I resisted illusions, collapsed timelines, shattered structures of deception that seemed to appear around me in rapid succession.
The struggle intensified.
The more I fought, the more reality seemed to tear apart.
My brain, my entire existence, felt as if it were being split in two.
My body stretched far beyond its natural limits, as though my consciousness was being pulled across dimensions that my physical form could barely contain.
Pain moved through every layer of my existence.
Mental. Emotional. Energetic. Existential.
It felt like I was being torn apart by the universe itself.
And still, I fought.
I believed that if I stopped resisting — if I surrendered — something terrible would happen. That evil would win.
I felt the responsibility of the universe to fight evil, to overcome it, so that good prevails.
But eventually I reached a point where the suffering became unbearable.
Every part of my being was exhausted. This felt like it had been going on forever. Time no longer was a reality, and neither was space.
The more I fought, the more I was losing.
I realized: This fight was unwinnable.
And in that moment, a realization arrived with terrifying yet undeniable clarity.
The darkness I was fighting was not outside of me.
It was within me.
The battlefield was my own consciousness.
The enemy was my own Shadow.
And suddenly I understood something that changed everything.
The fight itself was the illusion.
The moment I stopped resisting… the moment I stopped fighting… the entire structure of the battle collapsed.
For the first time since the ordeal began, I let go. Completely.
Defeated, I went down on my knees, hands on the ground.
I surrendered. I accepted death.
Not metaphorically. Completely.
I allowed myself to die.
Merging into both white Light and black darkness, I ceased to exist.
Death
The moment I surrendered, everything stopped.
The battle vanished instantly.
The darkness disappeared.
The struggle was gone.
It was as if an enormous tension that had stretched across the entire universe suddenly released itself in a single breath.
Then I began to fall. Not physically. Something deeper than my body was falling — my consciousness itself.
I felt myself being pulled inward, downward, collapsing into something infinite.
It was like being drawn into a cosmic womb — a black hole.
Everything that I believed myself to be — my identity, my memories, my personality, my fears — began to dissolve.
Layer by layer. Faster and faster.
There was no resistance anymore.
No fear. Only surrender.
I was being devoured by the infinite.
And then… I was gone. There were no thoughts. No feelings.
No sensations. No identity. No “me.”
There was only nothing. An endless, boundless nothingness.
But it was not empty. It was pure peace. Pure bliss.
Absolute liberation.
The absence of suffering. The absence of struggle.
The absence of existence itself.
For the first time in my life, I understood something that had always terrified me: Death was not frightening.
Death was relief. I had completely ceased to exist.
And yet somehow… that nothingness felt like the most natural state imaginable.
Then something shifted.
From the infinite darkness, a presence of pure Light emerged.
Not as an object. Not as something separate.
But as the very essence of existence itself.
The blackness gave way to white Light.
Boundless. Infinite. All-encompassing.
And within that Light, something extraordinary happened.
Consciousness returned. Slowly. Gently.
Like a spark being reignited after a long silence.
And then…
I opened my eyes.
Rebirth
I opened my eyes. I was kneeling in the dirt.
For a few moments, I did not move.
The world around me looked familiar — yet completely different at the same time.
The air felt softer. The ground beneath my hands felt alive. Even the silence carried a strange depth to it.
I slowly lifted my head and looked around.
I was still on the hill.
But something fundamental had changed.
I realized that I had just died.
I had consciously surrendered to death and allowed myself to disappear completely.
And yet here I was. Alive again.
Or at least… something was alive.
I didn’t know what I was now.
The fear of death — something that had been deeply embedded in my being for my entire life — was simply gone.
In its place was an overwhelming calm. I looked at my arms and my hands. I stood up.
My body felt weak and strangely unfamiliar, as if I had just returned from a very long journey.
I began searching for my clothes.
A short distance away, I found them scattered on the ground where I had left them earlier. Slowly, I dressed myself again.
Even simple actions — putting on shorts, picking up my shirt — felt strangely symbolic, as if I were learning how to exist inside a Human body again.
Once I was dressed, I started walking. I didn’t know where I was going. But something inside me told me to keep moving.
As I walked down from the hill, I noticed a tree nearby that immediately caught my attention.
It was filled with fruit. Yet neither fruit nor tree were familiar. It looked almost like a fig tree, yet the fruit resembled clusters of grapes. I felt drawn to it.
My body was exhausted and weak. The idea of eating something felt deeply tempting.
But something inside me warned me not to.
In that moment, the story of Adam in the Garden of Eden came into my Mind.
This felt like a test. A moment of choice.
I resisted the temptation. And continued walking.
The sun had already begun to set, and darkness slowly spread across the landscape. Soon night had fallen.
I eventually reached a road that looked vaguely familiar.
But even then, I wasn’t sure what was real anymore.
For all I knew, the retreat center and the people I had come here with might no longer exist in this version of reality.
Had I left them behind?
Had they been consumed by the same darkness I had just escaped?
I had no answers, so I kept walking.
5D Earth
The road sloped gently downward and opened into a large field.
The night air felt warm against my bare feet as I continued walking.
I had no destination. No plan.
Only the quiet sense that I needed to keep moving.
After a while, I noticed headlights approaching in the distance.
A car was driving toward me along the road.
Relief moved through me.
Finally, I thought, someone could tell me where I was.
As the car approached, I stepped into the middle of the road and raised my hand to signal the driver.
The vehicle did not slow down. For a brief moment, without any fear, I expected the impact. But it never came.
The car passed straight through me.
Not around me. Not beside me. Through me.
I felt nothing more than a warm current of energy moving through my body — like air passing through empty space.
The car continued down the road as if I had never been there.
And then I noticed something even stranger.
There was no driver.
The vehicle looked like an ordinary Human car — an older model even — but the driver’s seat was completely empty.
Confused and unsettled, I kept walking.
Along the roadside, shapes began to appear in the darkness.
At first, I thought they were rocks or Shadows.
But as I drew closer, I realized they resembled bodies.
Energetic bodies. They looked like corpses left behind after a battle.
Some of them appeared strangely familiar — as if they were the energetic forms of people from the retreat.
I did not stop to investigate. I simply continued walking.
In the distance, I could see other vehicles moving across the fields. But they were not following roads. They hovered above the ground, gliding silently through the night.
Ahead of them, circular structures of Light opened in the air — luminous portals into which the vehicles disappeared, one by one. Like a Stargate.
This was not the Mallorca I had arrived in.
It did not feel like the Earth I had known my entire life.
Everything seemed lighter. Less dense.
A different layer of reality.
A thought formed in my Mind.
“I must have crossed into another Dimension.”
Perhaps this was what people meant when they spoke of 5D Earth.
But the realization brought me no comfort.
Because one question remained: Why was I here?
Signals
As I continued walking along the road, something caught my attention in the field ahead of me.
A small sphere of Light hovered above the ground. It glowed softly, almost like a floating lantern.
Now for the second time since my strange journey had begun, I felt a spark of hope.
I stepped off the road and began walking toward it.
The closer I came, the dimmer the Light became.
Until it vanished completely.
I stopped where it had been only moments earlier.
Nothing remained.
Confused, I returned to the road and kept walking.
A short while later, I saw another one.
Another orb of Light, hovering in the distance.
Again I walked toward it.
And again it disappeared just before I reached it.
This happened several times.
Each time I approached the Light, it faded away.
While I was approaching the Lights, I noticed something else.
What looked like cars were driving across the field, almost hovering and definitely not following the usual physics on Earth, to then, with a flash of Light, disappear into a portal.
Slowly, a troubling thought began to form in my Mind.
Maybe I wasn’t meant to reach these Lights.
Maybe they weren’t guiding me at all.
Maybe they were showing me something I could never access. As if they were taunting me.
As the realization settled in, a heavy feeling moved through me.
Despair began to creep into my thoughts.
What if this was my punishment?
What if I had been cast out into some strange Dimension where others could travel freely — passing through portals and Light structures — while I remained trapped here?
A kind of cosmic prison. A space station between worlds.
A place where beings passed through on their journeys while I wandered endlessly, unable to leave.
I stood alone in the field and looked up into the night sky.
And that was when I noticed them. The “stars” were moving.
At first it looked subtle — almost like my eyes were playing tricks on me. But then I saw it clearly.
Points of Light were gliding across the sky in patterns that no airplane or satellite could replicate.
They moved with impossible speed, changing direction instantly, tracing geometric paths through the heavens.
They felt closer than the stars had ever seemed before.
As I focused on them, something remarkable happened.
My Mind began to open.
Not in the sense of thinking. But receiving.
A frequency began to flow into my awareness.
It was communication.
Not through intelligible words.
Not through language that I understood.
But through pure frequency transmission.
I could not translate the message into sentences.
Yet the feeling carried within it was unmistakable.
Warmth. Compassion. Encouragement. High frequency.
It felt as though the beings within those Lights were aware of me. Then I realized that I was tuning into their frequency field they were sharing with each other. Through pure intuition, I could “hear” their communication with one another.
And whatever they were sending — whatever frequency was reaching my consciousness — it carried the unmistakable quality of kindness.
For the first time since the ordeal began, I no longer felt completely alone.
My lifelong fascination with the night sky, stars, “aliens”, galaxies and the nature of the universe was answered in a way that I never saw coming.
Divine Guidance
I kept walking.
The road stretched quietly through the night, illuminated only by moonlight and the faint glow of distant stars.
My body was exhausted. Each step required effort now.
Eventually I came upon a small structure near the side of the road. It looked like a shed, though it had no roof.
Inside it rested what appeared to be a wooden canoe or small boat.
For a moment, the idea of stopping there felt deeply tempting.
My body was weak. My Mind was overwhelmed. The thought of simply lying down and sleeping inside that shelter felt like relief.
I stepped closer, considering it. But before I could settle there, something remarkable happened.
A voice reached me.
Not through my ears. Through frequency.
Directly from within my Mind, I understood
“Don’t stay here. Keep going.”
The message carried absolute certainty.
There was no doubt about its intention.
Without questioning it, I stepped away from the shed and continued walking down the road.
After a short distance, I encountered a low stone wall.
I climbed over it and dropped down on the other side.
And suddenly, I found myself on another road.
Looking up, I saw the moon hanging in the sky — a perfect half-moon crescent, glowing in the darkness.
Something about it felt different. Alive. As I gazed at it, I felt as though I could perceive the Spirit behind it.
The presence appeared almost alien to my Mind — like an intelligence watching quietly from within the moon itself.
In my exhaustion and confusion, I spoke to it.
I asked for help. I asked to be guided.
I said that I was ready to learn.
I felt a response: Keep walking on this road. So I did.
After a few steps, I saw something move in the darkness ahead. A figure crossed the road.
At first I thought it was an animal. Then I saw it clearly:
It resembled a jaguar. But it was not fully physical.
Its form appeared made of dark energy — not dense enough to be solid, yet unmistakably present.
The creature noticed me. Immediately I felt its instincts.
Raw and primal.
A surge of survival energy rose inside me. Without thinking, I took a defensive stance — ready to fight if necessary.
The jaguar paused for a moment. Then it turned and vanished into the darkness. And once again, I continued walking.
The Threshold
After some time, I saw headlights approaching once again. Another car.
This time, I walked directly into the middle of the road and spread my arms wide, making myself as visible as possible.
If there was anyone inside that vehicle, I wanted them to see me. As the car approached, its headlights flashed briefly.
A surge of relief moved through me. Finally, I thought, someone had noticed me.
I stepped aside and allowed the car to pass. But as it drove by, I saw the same impossible sight once more.
The driver’s seat was empty. No one was inside.
The vehicle continued down the road and disappeared into the darkness.
For a moment I simply stood there, stunned.
Then a strong impulse rose within me — a clear inner instruction: “Turn around.”
I turned and began walking back in the direction I had come from.
Eventually I reached the place where I had first climbed over the stone wall.
Just a few steps farther down the road, something caught my attention.
A sign stood beside the path.
At first it looked like an ordinary road sign.
But the moment I looked at it, I sensed something unusual.
The symbol on the sign seemed to carry meaning beyond its physical appearance.
It felt like a code. A hieroglyph. A living symbol.
As I focused on it, I felt its meaning translate directly into my Mind.
Then I took a few steps forward, crossing the threshold of the sign that marked the beginning of a new road.
And instantly, everything changed.
I could feel it.
I had crossed through something.
An invisible boundary. A portal.
The reality around me shifted subtly, yet unmistakably.
And I knew one thing with absolute certainty.
There was no going back.
Whatever world I had just stepped into, the previous one had been left behind.
I had crossed a threshold.
The Return
As I continued walking along the road, I began to notice movement ahead of me.
Figures. Beings standing further down the path.
For the first time since stepping through the invisible threshold, I was no longer alone.
I approached them cautiously.
The closer I came, the more unusual they appeared.
They resembled humanoid forms, yet their bodies were elongated and slender, almost impossibly elegant.
One of them stood closest to me, a few others were further in the back.
Its frame was tall and narrow, its limbs long and delicate.
For a brief moment, I even perceived what seemed like multiple arms moving fluidly around its body.
It felt alien — not threatening, but unfamiliar.
I attempted to communicate.
Words struggled to form in my mouth.
What came out sounded like a rough approximation of English — though in that moment it felt as if I was emitting frequency more than language.
I asked for help.
The being looked at me with visible confusion.
Almost as if it sensed something unusual about me — something out of place. I could feel that my presence was noticeably different from what it was used to.
For a moment, it seemed unsure how to respond. Then, I could hear frequency enter my Mind that felt subtle but positive.
Then it slowly moved away, gliding further down the road until it vanished into the darkness.
I stood there, alone again.
A wave of hopelessness washed over me once again.
Was nobody going to help me?
How was I ever supposed to find my way back?
And what did “back” even mean anymore?
Was I still alive?
Moments later, I noticed headlights appearing once more in the distance.
Another vehicle.
But this time, something was different.
As the car approached, I began to hear voices.
Human voices.
A language I recognized. Spanish?
For a moment I tried to remember what languages I actually spoke. English. Yes — English.
The car stopped nearby and four people stepped out.
A small group — of young and old beings. Humans?
They looked startled, clearly unsure what to make of the strange scene before them.
And then I noticed something else.
The being I just saw was clearly alien, yet these beings were definitely Humans.
Seeing them triggered something inside my Mind.
Memories. Identity. Language.
As I did not speak Spanish and they barely spoke any English, the young man called the police to put an English-speaking individual on. As I talked to her, my ability to communicate slowly returned.
I explained that I had become lost while wandering in the countryside at night and that I had been attending a retreat somewhere nearby.
It was best to tell the Truth — at least the part of the Truth that would be understandable.
Revealing the rest would only have frightened them.
I intuitively knew not to mention the fact that a psychedelic plant medicine was involved and what the true nature of this retreat was.
One of the young men kindly offered me his phone so I could try contacting someone from the retreat.
Holding a phone felt strangely absurd in that moment — like handling a relic from another lifetime.
Even remembering my own name took great effort.
After a few minutes, I managed to log into Facebook and locate the host of the retreat.
I sent him a message. He responded immediately.
After learning my location from the group of strangers who had found me, we arranged to meet in the nearest village just a few minutes away. They drove me there.
A short time later, the retreat host arrived with three other very curious participants.
The police also showed up soon afterward. I said thank You and goodbye to my Human rescuers and we drove back to the retreat, the police car following us all the way there.
Two officers stepped out of their vehicle and began asking questions.
They wanted to see my identification.
The irony of that moment was not lost on me.
I had just experienced the complete dissolution of my identity — and now I was being asked to prove it.
When they saw that I was simply a confused tourist who got lost wandering around at night rather than perhaps an “illegal alien”, their concern quickly faded.
They wished us a good night and left.
I went inside the house to put clothes on. The first thing I did was check my phone.
The screen lit up.
00:00. Midnight. Zero point. A new beginning.
The Realization
When I lay down that night, sleep did not come for another three hours.
The experience I had just gone through was too vast, too overwhelming to process all at once.
But one realization stood out with undeniable clarity.
Something fundamental inside me had changed.
Earlier that day, on that hill beneath the storm, I had confronted something I had spent my entire life avoiding.
My own darkness.
Not as an abstract concept. Not as something philosophical.
But as a living force within my own consciousness.
And in that confrontation, I had learned something that transformed everything.
The darkness I was fighting was never truly external.
It was my very own Shadow.
The illusions, fears and distortions that had accumulated within me over a lifetime.
But that day revealed the deeper Truth.
The battle itself was the illusion. All I was battling was myself. And that inner battle manifested externally by battling the Shadow of others.
Only when I stopped fighting — when I surrendered completely — did the illusion collapse.
And in that surrender, the identity I had believed myself to be simply dissolved.
What followed was death — the end of my existence.
I, as pure consciousness, returned to Source, then reincarnated.
This rebirth was my liberation.
For the first time in my life, the fear of death was gone — for death was revealed as illusion.
In the days and weeks that followed, I began to understand the significance of what had happened.
The experience had shattered the framework through which I had understood reality. Due to my new consciousness, the old reality construct was gone.
Everything and everyone from my old life that I interacted with now felt completely different. Neither my friends nor my family recognized me.
They knew the old me, not the new me.
For years, I had watched the film The Matrix, feeling an inexplicable resonance with the story of Neo — the moment where he realizes that the world he believed to be real was only a construct. To fully step into his purpose, his old consciousness had to die — to then return, reborn in his new consciousness.
Now, I understood why that story had always resonated so deeply with me.
In my own way, I had the exact same experience.
The moment of surrender on that hill had broken something open.
A doorway.
A remembering.
Not of a completely new identity.
But of something far, far older and much, much wiser.
Something that had always existed beneath the surface of the Human experience.
From that day forward, my life took on a completely different direction.
Without hesitation and without doubt, I gave up my old life, everything. I dedicated myself fully to the path of Spirituality. To the pursuit of Love, Light and Truth.
And I said “whatever it takes.”
The journey that followed accelerated faster than I could have imagined.
Over the next twelve months alone, my consciousness continued expanding through experiences that reached into levels of awareness I would quickly understand as higher dimensions of perception.
5D became my new reality. Many past lives remembered, much Karma dissolved, and deep Trauma healed. And even that was all just the beginning.
None of that would have been possible without what happened that day.
My Message to You
That day, the man I believed myself to be died.
What was reborn was not something new, but something ancient — something that had always lived within me.
The same Light that revealed itself to me lives within every Human Soul.
It waits patiently beneath the noise of the world, beneath fear, beneath illusion.
Every Soul is waiting to be remembered while still in the flesh.
Mastering the Earth game is exactly that — Ascension.
And yes, this game is not an easy one.
Most who currently live on Earth will not master it in this lifetime.
But since You are reading these words right now, I daresay that You are here to do exactly that.
The moment You choose Ascension — the moment You choose to remember your Heart and Soul — your own spiritual journey truly begins.
And when it does, You may discover what I did:
That You are infinitely more than You were ever taught to believe.
That the wildest imagination cannot come close to the reality of living your divinity — walking this Earth as a fully awakened Human being.
Enlightenment.
Spirituality.
Ascension.
Remembering the divine within.
Finding your Soul.
Opening your Heart.
Falling in Love with yourself.
Truly loving another.
Living a life filled with happiness and joy.
Following Love, Light and Truth.
These are not different paths.
They are all the same remembering.
And when that remembering finally happens,
You may realize something that changes everything:
The Light You were searching for was never outside of You.
It was You.
It always has been You.
You are everything You ever looked for.